The Hanks Family

I am a bad family blogger ... but here is Cole's first haircut!

2008-12-16T21:50:00.000-08:00

BEFORE

JUST BEFORE

DURING... AND HAPPY

WHAT!@#? He is blond? Hmmm... what a cutie!

Halloween - or the Holiday of Many Costumes

2008-11-09T12:05:00.001-08:00

For Halloween this year, Aidan really wanted to go with a Star Wars theme since that is his latest obsession (it has been pretty constant for a while now so I don't think it is going anywhere for a while). Aidan wanted to be Anakin Skywalker and wanted to Cole to be Yoda. We couldn't find those costumes to fit either of our little boys, so Grandma Hunsaker came to the rescue and helped make an Anakin costume for Aidan. It didn't stop there though. Aidan also wanted to be Darth Vader and Grandma Hanks came to the rescue in that department with a new light saber and Darth Vader voice changer helmet. Aidan loved his many costumes this year. He even snuck in some Halloween night trick-or-treating as his ever-lasting costume favorite, good ol' Spidey.

I hope everyone else is having a great Fall season!

View PhotatoBug Slideshow

What a Difference a Year Makes - Happy Birthday Cole!

2008-10-16T19:40:00.001-07:00

This past Monday, October 13, was Cole's first birthday. We enjoyed a quiet little party at home and just wanted to share some of the pictures of the birthday boy enjoying his presents and cake and generally just looking adorable.

Happy Birthday Cole!!

View PhotatoBug Slideshow

Anybody Home? Spring & Summer 2008 Update from the Slacker

2008-09-22T15:25:00.000-07:00

OK, so I admit I am completely lame about keeping up on our poor little family blog. All my blogging time and effort has been going into PheMOMenon and I have been neglecting this one. So sorry!

We have been busy, busy, busy with all kinds of fun and games so, here is a somewhat all encompassing update in photos to try to bring me up to date. That way I can hopefully do better from here on out! In my lame-o defense, I did try to make this post once before and Blogger bailed on me and froze - I just never got it restarted. Sorry for any wonky picture sizes below, but I figure just getting this up is more important than continuing to wait for perfection.

So, here in (mostly) chronilogical order is what we have been doing with ourselves. Enjoy!

Cole was blessed - and wore the same sweet sweater set that Aidan did!

We went to the zoo and enjoyed playing on the floor.

We enjoyed time together inside and outside (Mt. Timp)

We played at the park and we went to the races!

Somehow I don't think most kids get this view at the track!

Aidan got a hug from Elmo and a new fantastic quilt from Grandma (and she even helped me so I could pick out the fabric!)

Cole got his very first baby quilt from Grandma Hanks too! Look how incredible!

We explored outdoors some more after Aidan's very first day at Kindergarten!

Me and the little boys at the Silver Lake Loop!

Dusty and Aidan doing a little rock "climbing" at Silver Lake.

Aidan got a new great haircut and enjoyed going to Primary.

And here he is all clean and shiny on his first day of Kindergarten!

And here Cole is - not so clean - but with a shiny outlook while he is trying some finger food!

Cole, getting clean and playing in the bath!

Aidan started soccer for the first time - his team is the Blue Dragons!!

And a few more "nature" shots from Cascade Springs - who could resist that face!

Aidan wading in the stream at a park near Logan - BBQ with G&G Hunsaker!

Someone is growing up, even if he is still small - he is getting more and more teeth and looks like he needs his first haircut soon!

These brothers just love hanging out with each other!! Cole crawled up on the couch to sit with Aidan and check out the new light saber.

And this last picture, is from this very last Saturday in Brigham City from the Airport there. It was our first visit to there and it sure had an amazing view during/after the storm that day. Who knows if we will be spending more time there in the future.

Aidan's Birthday

2008-07-18T11:04:00.001-07:00

View PhotatoBug Slideshow

Happy Birthday Aidan!

2008-07-14T14:51:00.001-07:00

Here is part of Aidan's Birthday Celebration - I can't believe he is five years old!

View PhotatoBug Slideshow

Family Update and March for Babies

2008-04-15T16:47:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post a quick update to our friends and family and let you all know how we are doing. Spring is finally here after a very long, long winter for us and we couldn't be happier to have it arrive. It is ironic that while I'm typing this though we are having a spring snowstorm, but I'm not going to let that get me down. We are happy to say that we have made it this far and though RSV season isn't quite over (not until Mothers' Day) we are glad that the number of cases in the state is dwindling. We look forward to finally being able to leave the house and to see friends and family again after our winter in seclusion.

On the homefront, Dusty is still working at IFLY in Ogden and enjoying it and is excited to have a new skydiving season arriving. He and Beau are excited to continue to be sponsored by MonaVie this year as well and to now be distributors for MonaVie. We've all been drinking it (even me) and have felt an improved difference in how we feel each day.

As for Aidan, he is as funny and crazy as always. He has had a bit of a growth spurt this winter (thank goodness) and though he is still small, he is growing up. He is an amazing big brother to Cole and though he is very normal and fights for his independence (especially at bedtime) we are very, very proud of him. We are also happy to announce that we got lucky and Aidan's name was picked in the lottery for admission to Wasatch Peak Academy, the charter school in our neighborhood. He gets to go to a "round-up" meeting for his kindergarten class in a couple of weeks and we can't wait to see where he will be going to school. We can hardly believe it! He will be five years old in July! Time really does fly!

As for me, I've just been spending all of my time at home with the boys in seclusion until the end of RSV season and continuing to work from home doing marketing. In my spare time (I don't really have any, but I have been trying to carve some out since January to keep myself from going crazy) I started a food blog called Phe/MOM/enon. It has been absolutely incredible and I love doing it. I've made many friends over the internet this winter which has allowed me to still feel somewhat in touch with the outside world - and since my friends are scattered as close as Orem, Salt Lake and Logan, and as far away as India, Malaysia, and New Zealand, as well as all over the U.S., I do mean world. It is such a joy to me to find all these like minded, wonderful people that share my same obsessions with baking and cooking.

Cole is doing very well and will have his six month checkup later this week. I don't know how much he weighs now, but his nurse with the State Health Department that reviews his case each month to check his development says that he is right on track. He is a friendly and funny baby and we can't wait (but will) to show him off. At his four month appointment he was 12 lbs 9 oz now and not quite caught up with the smallest of his peers for his age, but he is doing well, so we try not to worry about it too much and just keep in mind how grateful we are to have him with us.

Well, other than all of the updates, I'm here with a mission. It's that time again. Time for the March of Dimes March for Babies (formerly WalkAmerica). Some of you may recall that Aidan and I (and Cole in spirit since I was pregnant with him at this time last year) participated in the March at Wheeler Farm last year along with Aidan's preschool. A lot has changed in our lives since then, but our commitment to the work the March of Dimes does has only increased. For those that don't know, or know all of it, you can read more about our story on the rest of our blog.

Here is a little of what happened:

Last October, when I was seven months pregnant with Cole, I was very, very sick. It is difficult (impossible) to manage a high-risk pregnancy when you don't know it has become high-risk until you are suddenly having an emergency c-section. That is what happened to us due to an uncommon form of high blood pressure (with complications) that sometimes happens in a small percentage of pregnancies. Cole was born seven weeks too early at 3 lbs 6 oz, which was underdeveloped for being 33 weeks along in the pregnancy. My doctor had to deliver Cole to save my life, which in turn put Cole more at risk, but there was nothing else they could do, since otherwise neither one of us would have made it.

After only 28 days in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit at McKay Dee in Ogden, Cole was able to come home - 20 days before his actual due date. He had a complicated schedule and feeding arrangement to keep, but it was still so much better than it could have been. I say "only" 28 days because, even with as difficult as this experience was, I am grateful that it hasn't been worse and that Cole is now happy, healthy and developing well at six months old (and around 4 months of age for development purposes). Not all babies are as lucky as Cole has been, and not all families are as blessed as we are. There is no rhyme or reason to it, but it is a simple fact that without research and knowledge from the March of Dimes that this experience could have turned out very differently for all of us. Little did we know that when we were raising funds for the March of Dimes last year we would end up needing their research for our family.

So, to celebrate Cole and our family and to help other families to hopefully never have to experience what we did, we are participating in the March for Babies again - this time as a family. The March is being held at Wheeler Farm in Murray on Saturday, April 26th. If you are able to sponsor us at all, please visit our Little Wonders Team Page and follow the link to make a donation to the March of Dimes.

Contributing to our March online is fast, easy and secure. You can donate directly from our personal webpage with a credit/debit card or PayPal. If you prefer, we can also accept cash or check. Just click the appropriate box on our team's webpage. Just go to:

http://www.marchforbabies.org/hhanks

The money we raise helps save premature and sick babies. Premature birth is the #1 cause of newborn death and the biggest threat to babies' health today, and through March for Babies, the March of Dimes is funding important research to find out why premature birth happens and what can be done to prevent it. I've joined with millions of compassionate people across the country who support March for Babies each year. Won't you please help me in this worthy cause? Visit my webpage and sponsor me in the march that saves babies! With your support, there's hope.

Here is a little video of our past few months you can watch if you are interested.

Any amount is welcome, and every penny counts. Thank you for your support!

Love,
The Hanks Family
Holly, Dusty, Aidan and Cole

Was the Bunny here?

2008-03-23T10:31:00.000-07:00

Why yes. Yes, he was.

Look who's five months old!

2008-03-19T08:36:00.001-07:00

Cole!

And here are the brothers!

Best Buddies & Cool Cars

2008-03-04T09:13:00.000-08:00

Aidan had a great weekend and got to see a lot of fun things and even better was who he got to see them with.

He saw Lightening McQueen.

And this futuristic bubble-top car named Vampyre.

And he got to see most of it with his best buddy, Ethan. Aidan and Ethan were in preschool together until Aidan had to stay home to help keep Cole healthy this winter. Aidan has really missed his friends!

Aidan also got to see Bumblebee (his favorite Transformer) and have his picture taken.

There were bikes and other restored vintage cars.

And then he came home and hung out with his little brother. Cole loves Aidan and loves watching his face and listening to his voice. Aidan is Cole's favorite person.

Aidan is the best big brother!

The Great Escape!

2008-02-29T08:21:00.000-08:00

This Winter we have tried to get Aidan out as much as possible since it is so hard for him to be stuck at home. To that end, he got to have a big day out with Daddy on Wednesday at the Zoo (it was their free day) and at the Children's Museum (I'm pretty sure that family pass has already paid for itself now!).

So, here is what Daddy and Aidan were up to on Wednesday with a little hello from Cole.

As Aidan Would Say - Huzzah!

2008-02-23T21:56:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note to say that we got lucky with the lottery drawing for admission to Wasatch Peak Academy, a charter school that is out here in our neighborhood. We have been waiting to submit his application for two years and he got in!

So, as Aidan would say, Huzzah!

Over the River and Into the Woods...

2008-02-21T19:56:00.000-08:00

This last weekend Dusty and Aidan went to visit Grandma and Grandpa Hanks. Aidan (and Dusty for that matter) were so excited about this trip. Since Cole and I had to stay home I don't really have stories, but I think the pictures can speak for themselves. I know Aidan loves winter and had such a great time on their farm and spending time. I am so grateful to them for all they do for us and their help, especially this winter.

Here is a photo journal of their trip.

Night before - sooo ready to go!

The Plane

Ready for Church

A Few of his favorite things...

Winter Blues Not Getting Me Down Today

2008-02-13T19:25:00.000-08:00

This is what Cole thought about going to the doctor for his four month check-up today.

And this is what he thought when it was over. He slept peacefully, probably because we were a day too early for immunization shots and will have to go back for those on Monday.

We have now been on "lockdown" for 97 days. Why not wait to post til an even 100 then? Because Cole is exactly 4 months old today. He had a check-up at the doctors this morning and is doing really well.

So, for just a quick update here are his new stats and progress.

So, as you can see from the chart we have come a long way on his weight and we are actually almost caught up with the 5th percentile for his actual age. That is awesome! Especially for him being underweight for his gestational age when he was born!

On length we are not quite as close, but we are gaining steadily and that is to be expected.

He has officially well outgrown all of his preemie clothes and is really doing so good. We just have to continue to careful and keep him safe. Dusty has the most difficult challenge with this because he has to go to work and be exposed to all the stuff going around. As you can imagine he keeps getting different bugs and is then banished to the other side of the room and sometimes house. He only gets to hold Cole every couple of weeks it seems in between colds. He is really good about being careful and I know this is hard for him. I really appreciate his vigilance and understanding how important keeping Cole safe really is. With how well Cole is doing it is easy to think that he is just a normal healthy baby. In so many ways he is, but we have to be so careful still and remember that he is still a preemie inside.

Health concerns so far at this point now are all pretty minor. The valve on his heart sounds much fainter and we hope that with a little more time and patience will be gone completely. Developmentally he is on track or even a little ahead of his adjusted age.

And here is how Aidan is handling being home with mom and "Col-a".

Cole is one sweet little flirt of a baby and we are looking forward to May when RSV season is over and we can come out of hiding. Aidan and Dusty get to the Children's Museum and do some activities when they have a day together and that helps. Aidan is really looking forward to going to visit Grandma and Grandpa Hanks on the farm this weekend and driving back with Daddy. More on that after the trip!

Yea for Miranda!!

2008-02-11T19:56:00.000-08:00

This is our neice, Miranda. She is a sweet and wonderful girl with a good head on her shoulders and a whole lot of patience. The pictures you see here just happen to be my three favorites, however, I think she ended up between my sister, Michelle and my parents, having to have about 40 pictures taken before she was done. She definately deserved the roses shown here.

This was her first official high school dance and though she was supposed to go with a very nice boy he became very ill and couldn't go with her at the last minute. So, here she is, looking beautiful all by herself anyway. She attended the dance with a group of her friends on the swimming team.

Way to go Miranda! We love you!!

Somebody Tagged Me

2008-01-22T14:57:00.001-08:00

Somebody Tagged Me
I've been tagged by Rachael

A: The rules of the game are posted at the beginning. 
B: Each player answers the questions about themselves. 
C: At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.  

10 Years Ago: I was trying to decide what to do with my life. I would start my job with te law firm where I would work for 9 years. I didn't met Dusty until July and in December we got married.

5 Things On My To Do List Today: Work, laundry, finish this post, update my food blog, and clean the kitchen.

Snacks I enjoy: Chocolate, bread, ritz peanut butter crackers (craving left over from time in the hospital with Cole).

What would I do if I were suddenly made a billionaire? Pay off all bills, get a slightly bigger house and decorate it, go to Europe for the summer, have a home there

3 of My Bad Habits: Procrastination, avoidance, worrying

5 Jobs that I have had: McDonalds (my first job at 14), Frontier Pies waitress, Subway Asst. Mgr., Xerox, Paralegal/Marketing

Things people don't know about me: I sold perfume door to door for one month as my very first job when I moved to Utah

I tag Beau & Laura, Danika, Brighton, Joe & Marie

Milk, Milk, It's All About Milk

2008-01-21T09:52:00.000-08:00

Be forewarned that this is a bit of a "purge" of some things I have been thinking about and feeling. There is a happy finding within it, but it is what it is - and it is long (sorry about that) but that too, is what it is. : )

It is funny how something that can seem so small and insignificant, can really be quite a force in the lives of so many. When I was nursing Aidan (for almost two years since we kept having to start over with his weaning) I would joke about writing a book and calling it "My Life As A Dairy Cow". Probably not terribly complimentary, but I have a very good sense of the ubsurd. Anyway, this weekend I have had the opportunity to give the issue of milk a lot of thought.

Aidan is still allergic to dairy and so he still drinks only soy milk still, and loves it. That is fine. Cole turned 3 months old a week ago. His corrected age is now 7 weeks (8 this coming Wednesday). He is doing really well. He is thriving and his health seems to be good. Although the PDA in his heart still hasn't closed completely, we are hopeful that slowly but surely it is, as it seems to be. As I said, he looks so good, that we think it doesn't seem to be affecting him adversely. He was almost 10 lbs at his last appointment a couple of weeks ago, so I am sure he is now well over 10 lbs, maybe almost 11 lbs. Since our scale at home doesn't work well I can't tell for sure and I'm not going to take him for an appointment just to find out. He will go in at four months for his next well-baby checkup and we will see where he is at then.

So, Cole is now only eating breastmilk for the most part since he only technically had to have the formula feedings until he reached 10 lbs. He still isn't on the growth charts (under the 5th percentile) but this is ok. He is growing steadily for where he is at. Yes, he is 3 months old and still looks more like a newborn, but that is ok.

When Cole was in the hospital for that first month and eating only about an ounce or less per day (actually they started him out a few days after he was born and started him out on only about 4 ml per feeding through a tube). I was pumping full capacity by the end of the first week or so (about 25 oz per day or so). Since I would have to pump this milk so that he could be tube fed and so that I would have a milk supply, this time around I felt more like a dairy cow than ever... perhaps more so than a real cow. I am not sure how many times a day they are milked, but it seems like it the old days it was twice. I was pumping every three hours - 8 times every day. Cole wasn't able to actually try breastfeeding until he was about 2 weeks old, and then to start only once a day.

What to do with all that milk? Well, ridiculous amounts of milk have taken up residence in our deep freezer. As in, a large deep freezer, filled to the top on half of it, with nothing but frozen milk. My concern has been that there is no way Cole, who is home and nursing with me everyday, and does not prefer the bottle, was ever going to be able to use all this milk. After what we went through, and knowing what others are going through with their babies, the idea of throwing that milk away was absolutely out of the question if I could do anything about it. The milk banks across the country are low on donated breastmilk, and unfortunately, because I was on so much medication, and even though Cole has thrived on this same milk, they couldn't take my donation. This is an actual and absolute tragedy. The frustration of having something that is so desperately needed by so many, especially other sick sweet little preemie babies (preemie milk is different than full term milk and is the best thing a preemie can have) has been weighing heavily on me.

About a month ago I posted a note on a preemie community website to see if there was anyone out there that lived close by and could come and meet me and know that I am careful and concientious and know that this milk is safe for their baby (as it is for mine!). No answers. Lots of comments from other loving preemie mom's who have been their, both on the donating side and on the receiving side. I was called an angel by one mother. I wouldn't call it that, but I can see how I would feel if I couldn't give Cole what he needed to thrive. Anyway, this past weekend, I was finally contacted. The women were hopeful that there was still some breastmilk left for them, but didn't realize that I had so much for them.

This new friend is so grateful to me for this milk, but I am so grateful to be able to give it. I don't know if it is because, though I know I couldn't have done anything to stop what happened to us, the guilt of wondering still weighs so heavily on me. I don't think that will ever go away. It seems to be a wound that heals over, but always hurts. Being able to do something for this woman and her sweet baby is the most precious gift to me and I can't begin to express how happy I am to be able to give it to her.

Here is the real kicker, for this lovely woman being grateful to me though. Though this baby is, without a doubt, her child... she is not the biological mother. This sweet little warrior baby has fought through something that NO ONE should have to go through, let alone a tiny (literally tiny, premature) baby should ever have to go through. This sweet mother is a foster mother. They are fostering this baby and trying to adopt her. Though I had read a section about adopting a preemie baby in one of the preemie books I read after Cole was born, I had a hard time imaging how a situation like that would come about, when the reality is, it probably happens all the time. This mom is going through so much. You can tell right away that she loves that little baby girl, but really wasn't told what it meant to have a preemie. She feels like she was meant to find me, and not just another mom with some extra milk, but a preemie mom. I feel like she was meant to find me too. She says that I am now one of her baby's "milk mommies". The funny thing? I feel that way too. I am providing nourishment to that sweet baby that needs it so badly and has been through so much.

You never know how much you can handle until you are tested. This pregnancy and birth and raising a preemie has definately been a test for me. I am so grateful to have Cole and Aidan. Cole is such a fiesty little fighter, and Aidan is really the most wonderful big brother I could have ever hoped for. I am so grateful for this new relationship with this other amazing mom (who incidentally only lives 30 minutes away) and for the friendship we are building and for being able to help her take care of her baby. This woman thinks that I have knowledge to share with her, but the feeling is mutual.

Well, I did warn you at the beginning that this was a bit of a purge post about things I needed to say. If you have read to this point, then bless you too!

One more aside on the milk issue. The mommy of this little preemie baby has a small "farm" where they raise goats and chickens and make some neat products of their own. I feel it is only fitting to show you what she brought to me to say thank you. They were I think afraid that I would want compensation for the milk (when you purchase it from a milk bank when available it can cost as much as $2.50 per ounce - so think about $40 to $50 or more per day!!). I didn't even consider that as it wasn't the point. Anyway, she brought me some lovely soap that she made (which I have been able to use and is quite lovely). She didn't think it was much, but it is an absolutely beautiful gift to me. I am so proud of this gift that I wanted to show it to you all. Hopefully this summer my new friend can teach me how to make soap.

Oh, and on the subject of it being all about milk... this lovely, creamy soap is made from Goat's Milk. (Told you it was all about milk!)

Happy New Year!

2007-12-31T19:09:00.000-08:00

Our exciting celebration included movie watching and the Disney Channel's countdown.

Even chocolate chip cookies like to get dressed up every once in a while.

We also made and ate some celebratory chocolate chip cookies
and the boys took pictures together.

Happy New Year everyone! We love you!

My Favorite Things - 2007

2007-12-28T20:53:00.000-08:00

Just as the year is winding down I thought I would recap my top ten favorite things from this past year - not including family, friends, etc. I am just talking about things I found, discovered for myself, learned and such. It isn't earth shattering stuff, just for fun. Here they are (not entirely in order of importance):

10. Websites with free fun and learning games for preschoolers - Aidan had access to computers at preschool and since we had to pull him from preschool until RSV season is over I have tried to take over his pre-k preparation from home. So far, we haven't been able to do a lot, but we have found a few things to help. Among our favorites are the Crayola , Noggin, Nick Jr, Playhouse Disney, Wondertime and Kaboose. These websites have helped lead me to many of my other favorite things. I have learned where to go in the U.S. to look for fairies (Wondertime), I have created my own fairies online with Aidan and we have decorated their houses and played their games (Disney), we have created and named our own mixed up monsters and made our own snowman coloring pages (Crayola), found lots of learning games for Aidan to play with his favorite characters (Noggin and Nick Jr - mainly Backyardigans), and kid-friendly craft and cooking ideas (Kaboose).

9. Festivals - the free ones and the cheap ones - Young Living's Lavender Festival, The Arts Festival in SLC, the Jazz Festival, May Day at Wheeler Farm, and many others. While some of these have small entrance fees, they are all a lot of fun. Aidan got his face painted, a temporary tattoo, got to see great live jazz music, lots and lots of amazing art pieces and performance artists, try new foods, see a real live joust and yell "HUZZA" at his favorite knight. Incidentally, though his knight was not the winner, Aidan didn't care since he was picked solely for his colors and by no other qualification. However, Aidan did get really good at yelling huzza and it was all I heard for a few days. We got to look at all the farm animals and feed the ducks and play on bounce houses and watch a Wild West shootout - all for free. This last summer I became a master at finding free and very cheap things to entertain Aidan. Luckily, it was very entertaining for me too! Which leads me to number 8.

8. GoCityKids.com - the best comprehensive listing of activities and things going on around SLC to do with your kids. They send updates, coupons, reminders, have search options, etc. It was a lifesaver and helped me find out about all the cool things we got to do. There were even several events we wanted to go to and didn't make it. Hopefully, we will make it to those ones next summer. There is still tons of stuff to do in the Winter and Spring as well, but since we are in official hibernation til May and Dusty works 6 days a week, our chance of making it to many things is pretty slim.

7. Farmer's Markets - I finally got to go to some of the Farmer's Markets this last year. The Downtown FM as well as fun one up in Logan with my parents, sister and nieces and nephew. Great place to get awesome peaches for canning and jamming - oh and great pie!

6. Gateway - Other than the parking sometimes, what's not to love. The Snowflake Fountain is free, fun and good way to distract and cool a 4-year old off. Not free, but still very fun is the Children's Museum - Aidan's official favorite place. Hands-on for kids - 'nuff said. The movie theater for matinees and MOM's (Movies on Mondays - kid and mom friendly movies, including stroller parking and no dirty looks for bringing a child that only sits still half way through).

5. March of Dimes / WalkAmerica - Earlier this year Aidan's preschool had a WalkAmerica team and parents with their kids could join. Not many of the parents at the preschool joined, but Aidan and I decided to join and raised money to do their 3 mile walk at Wheeler Farm. We raised almost $200 due to pledges from great friends and family as well as a little donations drive at the law firm I worked at until May when I switched jobs to work from home. Of course, we didn't know the irony of doing this right when we found out we were having Cole, who would be our own preemie. The fact that we did the walk makes me even more proud of Aidan now that we have been through the NICU experience and are caring for Cole.

4. IFLY Utah - Dusty is happier, even if he is busier and here even less. Aidan has flown in the tunnel 3 or 4 times now, and is just starting to like it. Dusty's flying, though we thought it was pretty awesome and great before, has come along and he is enjoying it. The fun for us is being able to visit him at work (though not now anymore til Summer) and being able to see right in front of us the stuff we have been able to only see on videotape in the sky before now. The Salomon Center itself has lots of other fun stuff and Aidan loves going there. I look forward to getting to try to fly in the tunnel next Summer.

3. Preemie Community pages - making friends through the web with other mom's who have had preemie's has helped me alot. It is good to vent and talk to those that have already been down this road, as well as those that are going through this now. As much as I love and appreciate all of our friends and family, it really is true that unless you have gone through the experience of having a preemie, you can't really understand what it is like. I am grateful to have great friends and family that empathize and love us, but having that connection with people that really just know what I am feeling and have been there, is a different kind of comfort that has been invaluable these past 2 1/2 months. I feel like there are really even different degrees of understanding all of it depending on what you go through. Just as someone that gets to have a full-term, healthy baby can't entirely understand the preemie experience, I feel like I, who had a 33 weeker who is a feeder/grower, can't entirely understand what a mom who has a 20-something weeker has gone through. Just being there for each other is incredible though.

2. Food and Craft Blogs - So, I have already been obsessed with searching the internet for new recipes and ideas for years now, I didn't really get into food blogs until this year. Oh, what I have been missing. I have had a blast reading recipes and looking at beautiful pictures. While some of the blogs are just ok, there are some extraordinary ones that are not only hilarious to read (and really, I need things to make me laugh these days) but have great recipe ideas. It is a lot more fun than the cooking websites from magazines and other places. By far the funniest and best one I have found to date is Smitten Kitchen.

1. Blogging - I only started our blog in September, but being able to speak my mind out to the world has been interesting, liberating and comforting all at once. Actually, 'nuff said on this too. You just have to try it. I'm also grateful to others that blog so that I can keep up with what is going on in the world outside of our hibernation house.

Well, that ended up being a whole lot longer than I thought it would be. However, I felt it was a lot more positive wrap up to the year than the summary of the years events. Let's face it, in a lot of ways, 2007 was a really bad year, and a really great year for our little family. Since some of the bad is still so fresh, as is the good, I just don't really want to spend any more time focusing on the bad.

So... on with the good, and let's hear it for 2008! A clean slate! Happy New Year!

Then and Now

2007-12-27T12:48:00.000-08:00

Just one more quick update, for comparison!

October 17, 2007 - 4 days old - mom's discharge day. Cole was in the hospitals NICU for 24 more days after this.

Christmas Day - 2 months, 12 days old.

'Tis the Season to Multi-Task

2007-12-27T12:22:00.000-08:00

Aidan says "I love you" to the camera

Aidan, Cole and Holly - Christmas Eve

Ho ho ho... Merry Christmas past and a Happy New Year for the future! I have been derelict in posting for a while now. Being home has been a great improvement from the hospital commute. We have had our ups and downs and are getting into a groove still, but we are much happier to be home. I thought I would take a couple of minutes to update a little and post some more recent pictures.

Daddy and Cole with Cole's first teddy bear, his Christmas gift from
his Daddy who got matching bears for both boys.

Thanksgiving was quiet at home with just the boys and Dusty. We had no visitors in and went nowhere, as per Cole's doctor's orders. I think that some think we are nuts and overdoing it. I wish they could understand what we are up against and respect what we have to do with grace and without criticism. It is frustrating and upsetting to have to keep arguing it, but as
Cole's only advocates since he can't speak for himself there is no other choice. So, I will just continue to field the comments and advice of those that don't understand but wish to offer their knowledge anyway.

That being said, because we are following Cole's doctor's orders, he is doing well and growing. He was 8 lbs 3 oz at his 2 month checkup (3 weeks adjusted). He still hasn't made it onto the growth charts yet (still well under the 5th percentile), but he is healthy. We are still watching a couple of issues that he has with his bone density and his heart, but we are so grateful he is doing so well. Even though he is only 4 weeks adjusted age now (so, for developmental purposes, one month old) he acts like he still thinks he is bigger and older. Already he wants his arms out to wave around more and he is focusing on faces and copying smiles. Such wonderful milestones! He looks so much like Aidan that Dusty thinks they could have been twins... except that when Aidan was 2 1/2 months old he weighed about 13 lbs!

Aidan has been wonderful and really is the best big brother and sweetest helper I could have ever asked or hoped for. He dearly loves his little brother. There isn't an ounce of anger in him about what we have been going through. He gets frustrated and bored and sad, but it is never directed at Cole. All Cole gets from Aidan is kisses and hugs and he tries to tell him funny little stories. Anyway, Aidan is still growing and learning and being his funny, clever little self. The things that come out of his mouth are usually the bright (and sometimes aggravating) spots of my day. Christmas was fun with both boys and Aidan was happy to open his presents as well as Cole's. We watched the Polar Express I think pretty much every time it was on TV (hot hot hot - hot chocolate!). We made cookies several times and decorated the tree. We played with Aidan's new toys and Dusty and Aidan even went sledding yesterday. Dusty worked hard to make sure that Aidan got to get out of the house and have some fun. They even went to see The Water Horse yesterday and came home talking about sea monsters hiding in the toilet. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or not, but Aidan was happy to check all the bathrooms just in case.

Brothers and Best Buddies - hanging out in front of the fire on Christmas Eve

One Week Home... Any sign of normalcy yet - please!?

2007-11-16T19:32:00.000-08:00

Normalcy... who is to say what is normal, right? Cole has been home for one week now. It has gone by so quickly. Just when I think we are starting to get some kind of pattern down, something changes anyway. That being said, we are doing good. It hasn't been easy, for a number of reasons, but it has been a whole lot better than commuting to the hospital twice a day. And to think, our original due date is still two weeks away. That is the most surreal part of all of this I think.

Cole hasn't been weighed since we left the hospital, so I don't know how much he is gaining, but to me he looks good, and he looks fatter. Aidan is loving having Cole home, but the phrase I hear from him most right now is that he is bored. I can't say I blame him since he has gone from a fairly active life outside of home, to just being home with mom and baby brother to read books, watch movies and play. I think that these changes are going to continue to get more difficult for him as our enforced winter hibernation continues. He can't go to school anymore (until RSV season is well over - so around May), and it will be difficult to get him anywhere to play with friends, for the same reason as school. I am hoping that we can get in some kind of pattern that allows him some chances to really burn some energy.

As for Cole, he is a very, very good baby. At this point about the only time he cries is when he needs something. He is pretty needy (has to be monitored closely and can't really be put down unless he is asleep or swaddled or being talked to), but then, so am I at this point. I don't have any idea as he gets closer to being term how things will change, but right now I am enjoying having him with me. Dusty bought us two baby wearing wraps, so when Cole isn't eating, he is sleeping in one of the wraps so that I can hold him while I work and do other things (like right now). He really seems to love this and goes into a very deep and peaceful sleep. From what I read, this is really good for preemies and very important for their development (probably because it feels as much like still being in the womb as he can get).

Anyway, I think that we are adjusting well and although getting back up to speed with everything is a slow process, we seem to be getting there for now.

Our Little Wonder

2007-11-12T12:28:00.000-08:00

NICU Graduation

2007-11-11T23:44:00.000-08:00

A friend wanted to know what it takes for a preemie to graduate from the NICU - but I feel more like I attended a Nic-U with all the information I have had to abruptly learn in the last four weeks - and will have to continue to learn. I checked out every preemie book the library had to offer and I am now familiar with every preemie website I can find, as well as what stores actually carry preemie size anything (surprise - Wal-Mart wins as the ONLY spot I can find actual options for clothes in preemie sizes instead of just some onesies or nightgowns). Anyway, I never thought I would need to know so much about preemies - let alone all my hospital and NICU knowledge. That being said, my experience is so limited and has really been so much better so far than it could have been. We have been very blessed.

To get back to the original question though, let me just preface the answer by pointing out that every baby is different and so is their NICU experience and what it takes for them to "graduate" from the NICU 0 as in get to go home.

There are some basic guidelines as far as I can tell, but they don't really help you to know when your baby will get to go home, because there is no way to predict when they will reach those milestones. That said, the guidelines for Cole ended up being fairly basic compared to what they could have been.

Cole was born at 33.3 weeks (this means he was in day 3 of week 33). Yes, they get that technical in figuring your baby's gestational age. That is a whole other ball game too - everything for your baby isn't figured out by their birthdate, but by how long they were cooking and how far away you were from your due date. So, while Cole will be one month old on Tuesday, November 13th - he was only 37 weeks (gestational age) today. Confusing enough yet?

Anyway, the point of figuring out both ages is simply that preemie's will be behind their peers developmentally for the first few years of their lives (if not always). So, while Cole will be almost two months old by the time we reach our original due date of Nov. 28th, he won't be expected to do the things that a full term baby would do at one month old until January. With luck, by the time he is 3 or 4 he will catch up. He may always be small, or he may outgrow it.

That brings me to the next point. Cole is a higher risk for developmental and health problems because he was small for his gestational age. At 3 lbs 6 oz, that is not a bad size for a preemie, however, at 33.3 weeks, that is small for a baby. For example, we found out recently that someone had their baby at 29 weeks and the baby is 3 lbs 15 oz. So, our chances for complications are amplified by Cole's development during pregnancy.

So, now that you know more about that than you ever wanted to know, here is the point. Cole luckily became what the NICU staff call a feeder-grower. As in, he got past his big hurdles (which for sake of all our sanity I will not go into here) during his stay at the NICU and developed enough that what he really had to do to be able to go home was to get to a point where he could eat the amounts they needed him to have without having to be fed through tubes for 48 hrs. Before all of that though some of the basics he had to do were to be off of a ventilator, be off of oxygen and maintaining his oxygen levels in his blood, and be able to regulate his temperate in a room (no incubator) on his own. The feeder-grower part of things was taking him the longest. In his 28 day stay at the NICU he gained 1 lb 6 oz (and there are preemies that are that size when they are born - just to give you some perspective). (FYI - they used to tie going home to a certain weight for preemies too, but now things just really depend more on these other issues.) He is still a tiny "peanut" but it is good to look at him in comparison to early pictures to get an idea of how he is really doing.

So, that is how Cole graduated from NICU. We have been extremely lucky so far. Our NICU staff even commented several times that they couldn't believe how well he was doing and that he must not realize he is small. They also (and we wholeheartedly agree) that he is a fiesty little guy and that it has helped us along the way.

That is probably a really long answer to what our friend probably meant as a simple question, but just in case you wanted a little more information, there you go.

We Are Home!!

2007-11-09T15:09:00.000-08:00

What a week this has been! Dusty's mom, Kathy, came to stay with us on Sunday to take care of Aidan so that I could board at McKay Dee. The boarding was the next main step in getting Cole home - and I am so happy to say that it worked. Cole was able to graduate from the NICU to come home yesterday. After lots of paperwork and check-ups and instructions etc etc etc - we are home. We made it through our first night at home last night with flying colors and also through our first check-up appointment this morning.

All systems are go (as Aidan would say) and we are on our way. It is much nicer to be home than to have to drive to Ogden twice a day. We are so grateful to all of our friends and family for your help and support. We will continue to keep you posted as we continue this wild journey.

Three Weeks or Thirty Six Weeks...

2007-11-03T21:12:00.000-07:00

... Well, it all depends on how you look at it. Cole has been in the NICU for three weeks. Which also means he is now 36 weeks old according to his gestational age. So, my point? For the rest of his life and mine, we get to keep track of two ages for Cole. Preemie development is tracked by their "corrected" age instead of their chronological age. So, even though he is now three weeks old since the day he was born, they actually continue to track their age until they would have reached full term. So, as he develops - especially over the first year - we have to keep in mind that his "development" doesn't really start until he would have been full term. So, we play catch up... and try to remember to expect everything a couple of months later than normal.

Confusing enough? I thought so. I wanted to see if writing it down helped it make better sense. For now, it did. Here's the thing though - sometimes I understand it perfectly - sometimes, yea, not so much.

On the up-side, Cole may get to come home soon. It could be this week, maybe next week. We still don't know, but right now the outlook is good that it could be soon.

Our World Today

2007-11-01T16:34:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are. Day 20. Yesterday was Halloween and since Cole got here early, Aidan was concerned that Cole didn't have a Halloween costume. So, the picture above is courtesy of Cole's big brother looking out for him. Since no one really makes preemie Halloween costumes (and, really, Cole doesn't care) we got some Tigger pj's and Cole was Tigger for the holiday. Cole does think his big bro is pretty cool though.

Aidan's obsession with Spider-Man continues - this year with "dark Spider-man." Here is Aidan in his new costume with his pumpkin. The picture on the pumpkin is a goblin (or, if like Aidan, you can't say goblin - a "voblin"). Aidan went trick or treating at a Care Center in Bountiful and around our neighborhood with Daddy. He had a great time and loved it! I was a little worried about how to work things so that Cole got what he needed and Aidan got to have Halloween with family too.

So, today it is November. You know, November? The month when Cole was supposed to be born. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed again today. For good reasons though (as in, things are good). Cole is doing really well still and his doctors have even started talking about him coming home in a week or two. That is awesome news. The only problem is, that we still don't have the house ready for him to come home, and spending all my time commuting to and from the hospital doesn't really leave time to get ready.

I think the experience of having the pregnancy cut short really messes with my head. I am still having all the smae feelings I think I would have had in the last 7 weeks of the pregnancy, just with the baby already here... sort of. Where "here" actually is being part of the problem. Nesting instincts, when the baby is already born, is a bit nutty. Everything is upside down, inside out, rushed and I feel a bit crazy. In the meantime, everything still needs to get done and I am trying to keep the rest of our world together and help Cole get home. I'll sleep - some day.

In the meantime... back to it!

Spunky, Fiesty, Little (Really Little) Cole

2007-10-24T18:54:00.000-07:00

So, here we are on day 13. I thought, that although Cole will be two weeks old tomorrow, that since both of our boys were born on the 13th of the month, and since it is October, that it would be appropriate to update everyone on how he is doing today.
We have had a good two weeks. He is doing really well. They did have to put him on a little bit of oxygen again today, but that is because he is having a growth spurt. Double edged sword I guess. The way I look at it though, if the worst thing we have right now is some good, clean oxygen for him to breath - then that is good.

Cole is now up to 3 lbs 14 oz. Although this is still not a whole lot it means he has gained back his birth weight (which was 3 lbs 6 oz) and has gained 8 oz in the past 12 days. This is good news for us, because, although they don't really tie weight into the criteria for when they get to go home anymore, I think he still needs to be at least 1800 grams (which I think equals out to 4 lbs). Anyway, it really just depends on how his health is, how he grows, and things like that. As much as we want him home, we don't want to rush his time to finish growing before he is ready.

He is a very good baby who really only cries at this point if you are messing with him. I got to give him a bath a couple of nights ago...although he cried the whole time I thoroughly enjoyed it. Little bits and pieces of normalcy do wonders for our morale.

Earlier this week (as you have probably noticed from the pictures) Cole was moved into what is a "big" bed in the NICU - as in he is in a regular bassinet instead of an incubator anymore. That is another important step in getting him home. It shows that he is growing enough to be able to regulate his temperature better himself. It was a nice surprise to come in and see the incubator gone.

We are taking our time with the first step in nursing Cole. He is doing well at it, but it will take a while to get him all the way up to speed... which is the real journey to getting him home. This little, tiny guy has to be able to eat all of his meals, about every three hours, by nursing only. No more feeding tube - which is a lot easier way for such a small boy to get his food without making him really tired.

One of the great things about how well Cole is doing is that he gets to wear clothes now. They are clothes that other people and NICU parents have donated to the hospital, which is a good thing since we weren't expecting a preemie and don't really have more than Dusty and his mom went and bought last week. I am discovering that finding preemie clothes is not so easy.

On that note, I'll just end with this. Aidan told me last week that he was worried that Cole doesn't have a Halloween costume because he is early. So, we have been on the hunt for a preemie Halloween costume. No luck. I found very little online and nothing that would really work. What I did find at a store today for about $7 were some Disney Tigger pajamas with a hat with ears. Thank heavens for good ole' Disney, because that is enough to appease Cole's big brother that Cole will not go without for his first Halloween. I don't think Cole would have been worried about it, but I am very happy that Aidan is already such a great big brother.

My Sweetheart - Aidan

2007-10-24T14:08:00.000-07:00

As a lot of you know Aidan has been very excited that he was going to be a big brother. Now that he is one - without the chance to be one - he is handling it about as well as you can expect from a 4-year old. That being said, he is really a very good boy and definately my sweetheart.

He has been worried about Mama's owie and if I am still sick. I've heard stories about his reaction to our sudden c-section experience at the hospital that made me laugh. He is a real champ.

Our friend, Jen, hurried to the hospital as we were being taken in for the c-section. Right before she got there Aidan had come in to see me and ask what was going on. I figured that the best way to handle things was to try to gently tell him what was going on in as honest of a manner as possible. When he was there I told him that they were going to deliver the baby and that to do that I had to go in with the doctor who was going to help our baby and to help Mama feel better.

Hmmm... let's face it. I was in shock and on drugs at this point and don't entirely remember what I said to poor Aidan. I am pretty sure that I told him they were going to take the baby out through my tummy. I don't think I really thought he would put two and two together and figure out how they would have to do that.

Jen told me a few days ago that this is what Aidan said when she got to the hospital. You have to understand that when she got there, Aidan was running up and down the hallways yelling and that Dusty was trying to get gowned up to come into the OR with me. When Jen got there Aidan ran up to her and said, "This is TERRIBLE!" Apparently, he was quite dramatic, throwing his arms up as he said it. Jen said, "I KNOW," following Aidan's lead with his dramatic mood. However, then Aidan apparently said something along the lines of, "they are going to CUT my mom open" even making a line across his tummy.

You know me, I didn't mean to traumatize my child, but apparently, when I showed him where they were going to "take baby out" he, being the clever cookie that he is, figured it out for himself obviously. That will teach me to be so open with a 4-year old. I'm glad he gets it, but I didn't really expect that. I guess at the time I didn't realize that he would think it through. Again, please take into the account the pain killers - and I haven't mentioned the fact that HELLP Syndrome affects your brain too - so please cut me some slack!

Anyway, Aidan has been such a good boy and has really handled a very tough time really well. He wants Cole to come home and he gets upset and I know he is bored silly, but he is still being so sweet. He has given me lots and lots of hugs and kisses and asks if my owie is feeling better.

The NICU holds a weekly class for the siblings of preemies at the hospital and Aidan went last week. He loved it! He was right down there with the teacher asking questions and finding out what all the tubes and wires were for that are on "his" baby. I think that it really helped him deal with the experience a little better.

So, to end on a funny Aidan moment, as we were coming home from our evening hospital visit to Cole last night, Aidan and I were singing songs and hanging out in the back seat. We were holding hands as I was trying to get him to go to sleep on the way home. Suddenly, he looks at me and picks up my hand. He says, "Mama... do you know what people do when they get married?" OK... loaded question that I am NOT ready to hear from him now, or anytime soon, especially right now!! Luckily he didn't leave me any time to answer him and continued on his own and said, "they do this." He picked up my hand and kissed the back. So sweet! I started giggling (yes, giggling) and asked him where he came up with that. He laughed and won't say. I don't believe he doesn't remember, I think he just isn't going to tell me. I hope he keeps up being such a sweetheart as we continue down this road.

Well, I am now headed to get Aidan from preschool and then back to the hospital for our second visit today. Much thanks to Dusty for taking me to the hospital on his way to work this morning, and especially to Beau for making a special trip to Ogden to give me a ride home. My neighbor and friend, Heidi is going to drive me up this afternoon and watch Aidan at the hospital while I go in and try to nurse Cole again. I am so lucky to have such good people around us, especially at a time like this. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

While I am thanking people, I need to say some big thank you's to Jen and Devin who stayed with Aidan at the hospital and got him to Papa Bear and Yaya who then in turn had the pleasure of being kept up all night by the spinning helicopter that is Aidan in bed at night.

Thanks to my parents who came and brought me home from the hospital and especially thank you to Dusty's mom, Kathy, who dropped everything and came on the run to stay with us for the week and take care of Aidan. Knowing that Aidan was so well taken care of during such a crazy and emotional time was invaluable. Poor Kathy, all I could do was burst into tears when she was leaving because I am so grateful to her for being here and helping us so much!

Thank you to all of our friends and family who have been so caring and helpful! We love you all so much and are so grateful to have you all in our lives.

And I thought we were busy before!

2007-10-22T13:48:00.000-07:00

Life is funny. Sometimes, in a not so much funny as you can choose to laugh or to cry type of funny. That is how I'm feeling. Although things are good, life is too "funny" for words right now.

For an update on our world... well, it changed on Oct 13th about as dramatically as is possible.

I have been sick for a while with this pregnancy and didn't really think too much of it until the past few weeks. I had a sneaking suspicion that the baby was coming sooner than my due date of Nov 28th. What I didn't expect was to go to the hospital for some tests that Saturday and be told about an hour after arriving that I had a rare condition called HELLP Syndrome and that the only cure was to deliver the baby. Umm... excuse me?! Oh, and just for good measure, let's throw in there that they don't know what causes it, all of the symptoms are things I already had anyway - until I started swelling up - and that they don't know if it will happen again. Great. Anything else to add to it?!

To say that I was shocky after that doesn't quite cover it. Basically, it is all a blur of emergency surgery for c-section and hospital rooms, pain medication and too short visits to the NICU since then. From then until now, the past week has been by far one of the craziest of my life. On the up side, now we are getting into a pattern and the baby is doing well.

So, here is the annoucement.

On Saturday, October 13, 2007 at 7:07 pm Cole Daniel Hanks joined us almost 7 weeks early. He weighed 3 lbs 6 oz when he was born and is 17 inches long. He is a tiny, tiny boy. Thankfully, he is gaining weight and is doing good. We don't know when he will get to come home. All they can say now is that it could be until his original due date... November 28th.

It is a long road ahead of us, but we are so glad that Cole is with us and that he is doing so well. He is amazing and sweet and we love him so much. Aidan can't wait for him to get home and is so happy that he is a big brother finally.

So, for now, the motto really is one day at a time. We will keep you posted as we can.

Busy, busy, busy

2007-09-22T20:56:00.001-07:00

So, I intended to post again before now, and I can't believe how fast time flies when you are just plain busy. I don't know how I ever accomplished anything when I was working at the office full time. Even working full time from home now I feel like I am busier than I was before. I seem to get more done, but there still seems to be even more to do now. With baby number 2 on the way in only 9+ short weeks, I am really starting to feel the craziness.

To Blog or Not To Blog...

2007-09-12T18:41:00.000-07:00

So, that is the question. I have thought about this for a while, and since I know so many people that have enjoyed doing it, I thought, why not me too. Be a part of a global community, keep up with family and friends, find great information, blah blah blah, etc, etc, etc. Here I am. Do I have anything profound to say... probably not. I guess the question you can ask yourself is whether or not to read this page. Well, I hope you will. If you don't, I won't know, so I guess it won't bother me. Either way, the point of all this for me too, is to just talk about my world and how I feel in it. Best wishes to everyone out there.